Then bury your cellphone and then find a hobby. Choose your favourite spade and dig a small, deep hole located deep in the forest or a desolate area of the desert or tundra. Paddle Your Own Canoe: One Man's Principles for Delicious Living

Jesus Christ, it’s irrefutably un-American, people!” Your preferred fairy tales have no place in a children’s classroom or textbook that professes to be teaching our youngsters what is REAL. But I do think the vast majority of your fellow Americans would appreciate it, kind creationists, if you silly motherfuckers would keep that bullshit out of our schools. You will not be punished for those beliefs in our nation of individual freedoms. I personally think that’s just a touch squirrelly, but that’s your business, not mine. Sing and chant, and eat crackers and drink wine that you claim are magically infused with the blood and flesh of your church’s original grand wizard, the Prince of Peace. You and your fellow creationists profess belief in a magical story. For the record, I don’t believe the book of Genesis ever won one of those. Check out Madeleine L’Engle’s A Wrinkle in Time, which won a Newbery Medal. It’s a cool story, don’t get me wrong I love magic. If you want to go in so deep as to ignore all of the advances and hard facts that SCIENCE and LEARNING have provided us in the field of biological evolution and instead profess that the creation story, written by men from their holy visions, about how the Christian deity spinning the world together out of the void in the magic of Genesis describes the true origin of the universe, that is your business.

Paddle your own canoe by nick offerman